32 Rules for Touch Football

Just in time for that big game on Thanksgiving, The Wall Street Journal provides us with 32 rules for touch football. Here is a sample:

2. Find a nice patch of grass. It doesn’t have to be big. You don’t need a regulation 100 yards. Half the people in your family, if they ran 100 yards, they’d wind up in the hospital for a month.
12. It’s okay to play with kids but don’t baby them. Just because your 7-year-old niece is playing quarterback doesn’t mean you can’t intercept her screen pass and run it back for a touchdown. She’s got to learn sometime not to throw into triple coverage.
13. The count is five “Mississippi.” And it’s a full four syllables—not a rushed “MISS-IPPI” and knocking grandpa to the ground.
19. There are only two plays you need for touch football: “Everybody Go Out” and “Everybody Go Deep.”
22. A little pass interference never hurt anyone. Don’t be a wimp.
24. Three-minute halftime. Don’t kill the momentum. Anything longer, and aging muscles seize up. Remember: if Daddy sits, Daddy is d-o-n-e.
29. Goes without saying, but if it snows, it’s a classic.
30. Take it easy. You don’t want any injuries that can’t be treated with a bag of frozen peas.
32. When you think about it, there’s really only one rule for Thanksgiving touch football: Take your shoes off before going in the house, or Mom is going to kill you.

The entire list is here.

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