Sunday Morning Funnies

Funny man W. C. Fields refused to work with children and I thought of him during yesterday’s “human interest” moment during the coverage of the Arnold Palmer Golf Tournament on NBC/Golf Channel.  

They brought a young man on set whose life had been saved by the doctors at the Palmer hospital.  Things started fine as Arnold reaches out.

Mom decided to let Arnie hold her son.

In spite of saving his life, son was not happy to be away from Mom. What seemed like a good idea seconds ago was going downhill rapidly.

So, son goes back to Mom. Son looks suspiciously like he has “pulled one over” on them.

Finally, Mr. Palmer announces a lifetime exemption for the young man — meaning he can play in any future Palmer Invitational without qualifying. That seems to make him very, very happy.

 

 

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Only in Tennessee

While Dave Barry has his sewage lift station, Carl Perkins and Sam Phillips have a “rest stop” on I-40 between Nashville and Memphis as I learned while on my “tornado seminar” circuit. 

While it seems like a perfectly nice place, I don’t think I’d wear my Blue Suede Shoes in there.

My Kind of Christmas Lights

My friends and entire family are acutely aware that I have zero motor skills. The thought of using “handy” and “Mike Smith” in the same sentence would cause them to laugh out loud. So, you can correctly surmise there are no Christmas lights on our home.

So, when I heard about these Christmas lights, I had to find a picture. This is my kind of guy.
Photo from NBC Chicago
The story about over-the-top Christmas lights is here

More Inverted Language from Meteorologists

In Warnings I talk about how meteorologists’ language inverts based on their forecast. Once we have forecast (for example) a blizzard, we are cheering for the blizzard all the way.

So, I got a kick out of this article in Cleveland Magazine quoting WKYC TV’s Betsy Kling:

Weather worries … Recently, Kling predicted that it would be overcast, but when the sun peeked out by noon, she freaked out because she said it’d be cloudy all day. When the sun went away, she told her husband, “OK, the sun’s gone; that’s good.”

His response … “You’re the only person in Northeast Ohio who says that.”

Spoken Like a True Author

For those of you that have read my book, thank you. For those of you who haven’t, there is ample inventory. 
     — President George H. W. Bush, speaking in Wichita earlier this month, quoted by The Wichita Eagle. 


The same could be said for Warnings

Happy Thanksgiving!

As a friend of mine says, In America, every day should be Thanksgiving Day.


Mindy and I hope you and yours have a wonderful day.

The best Thanksgiving gift I can give you over this blog is the classic “Turkeys Away” episode of WKRP in Cincinnati. One blogger (HotAir.com) calls this the “greatest Thanksgiving sitcom moment in history.”

Take it away, Les Nessman…

“Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this.”

A Grateful World Recognizes the Importance of Your Product

No kidding, Saturday was “World Toilet Day.” And, today, begins the World Toilet Summit.

When asked what mankind’s greatest invention is, I quickly reply, “music.” But, “indoor plumbing,” is the one I’d least like to do without.

So, as Dave Barry says, let’s take a few moments to observe this special occasion. Then, let’s remember to flush when we are finished and wash our hands.

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32 Rules for Touch Football

Just in time for that big game on Thanksgiving, The Wall Street Journal provides us with 32 rules for touch football. Here is a sample:

2. Find a nice patch of grass. It doesn’t have to be big. You don’t need a regulation 100 yards. Half the people in your family, if they ran 100 yards, they’d wind up in the hospital for a month.
12. It’s okay to play with kids but don’t baby them. Just because your 7-year-old niece is playing quarterback doesn’t mean you can’t intercept her screen pass and run it back for a touchdown. She’s got to learn sometime not to throw into triple coverage.
13. The count is five “Mississippi.” And it’s a full four syllables—not a rushed “MISS-IPPI” and knocking grandpa to the ground.
19. There are only two plays you need for touch football: “Everybody Go Out” and “Everybody Go Deep.”
22. A little pass interference never hurt anyone. Don’t be a wimp.
24. Three-minute halftime. Don’t kill the momentum. Anything longer, and aging muscles seize up. Remember: if Daddy sits, Daddy is d-o-n-e.
29. Goes without saying, but if it snows, it’s a classic.
30. Take it easy. You don’t want any injuries that can’t be treated with a bag of frozen peas.
32. When you think about it, there’s really only one rule for Thanksgiving touch football: Take your shoes off before going in the house, or Mom is going to kill you.

The entire list is here.

Bill Kean, RIP

The Family Circus has always been one of Kathleen’s and my favorite cartoons. This edition, from January, 1979, has a special place in my heart:

Mr. Kean passed away earlier this week. The cartoon has been produced by his son for many years, so no change is expected.

News From Science

This is, apparently, a serious news story:

SAN LUIS VALLEY — If aphids measured more than a quarter of an inch and had a pair of thumbs, the Valley’s human population would not have survived summer 2011.

Details here.

"Oh, the Humanity!!"

Haven’t the people of Yellville, Arkansas, ever seen WKRP in Cincinnati?

 - No one in Yellville will say if they expect wild turkeys to fall from planes for this year’s Turkey Trot Festival. But the Federal Aviation Administration says it will be watching.

An FAA spokesman tells the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette that the agency will track any pilot who drops wild turkeys over the tiny north Arkansas town. Offenders could lose their licenses.

The spokesman, Lynn Lunsford, says no one in town will tell them who flies the planes.

Fans of the drop say it doesn’t hurt the turkeys, which float to the ground.


(Full story here.)

“Doesn’t hurt the turkeys?!”

I suggest the organizers view this before disaster strikes again, including Arthur “Big Guy” Carlson’s immortal words, “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”

From Hulu, here is the pertinent scene:

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